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  • Chris Bishop

Ok so here’s the thing, I don't like the word seminar. Here’s how you tell people something will not be fun. Tell people it’s a seminar. Hi my name is Karen and I rent a motel in Las Vegas come to my health care seminar where I’ll talk about how to get rich from home. No Karen I do not want to go to your seminar. I want to do literally anything else.

Heaven forbid you show up. You sit down. The actual seminar is like half an hour late because they forgot the hdmi cable. Karen gets on the microphone trying to get people hyped for her seminar. Some meth head who was never invited sits next to you even though there’s like 50 something empty chairs. He tries to make small talk. You wanna kill yourself at that point. You can’t leave because you know Karen will call your name out in public while people stare at you for being brave.

The guy next to you: his name is John by the way. He’s telling you his life story and you have not said a word to him. John hasn’t showered in a couple of days. It turns out Karen’s health care seminar is really just a pyramid scheme. It’s time to walk out. Sorry, this is not worth the free donuts. Do you at that point grab a donut just in case and make the situation worse? Sorry John find a new talking buddy.

You get up and make zero eye contact with anyone because you are walking out and everyone in that room hates you. At that exact moment you are telling everyone else:

This is dumb, y’all are dumb, I’m out.

Here is a list of things that are easier to walk out of:

Walking out of a movie

Walking out of class

Walking out of a 5th grade talent show

Walking out of a basketball game

Walking out of a Kanye West concert

Free donuts are great, but the word seminar drains joy out of life. I say we rebrand the whole thing and have Karen say: “Hey wanna come sit in a room full of people for an hour and get some free food?”. Don’t tell people to come to your seminar. And that in a nutshell is what the word seminar is all about.

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